Posted by Motorgoon (other posts) on September 21, 2010 at 03:56:27:
I came home from work tonight and I absolutely had to share this.
Tonight, I responded to a hit and run call. A black GMC Sierra (similar to mine)was hit by an unknown red car in front of “Brian’s” house.
Brian had recently come home from a bar with his girl friend “Ana”.
I parked my bike in front of the house and started my investigation.
I walked into the house and Brian was obviously upset.
Well Ana was busy on the phone with the insurance company, I met with Bryan.
I tried to ask Brian all the important questions and I noticed he was distracted. He kept looking down while talking to me and I realized he was wearing black cowboy boots. (work ropers with a rubber sole, well worn.)
I thought maybe he was intoxicated and just couldn’t understand what I was saying as it was obvious he couldn’t maintain his attention on anything.
I walked with him into the garage to get paperwork on his truck, where I noticed two Dehner boxes hiding in the corner of his garage. I immediately noticed he had them and asked if he rode or was in law enforcement. He went silent.
We had a brief conversation about how he really liked boots and he always wanted to be a motorcop, but wound up in internet technology.
I walked to meet with Ana and ask her some questions where I noticed she walked into her bedroom. I noticed a walk in closet, where there were at least 50 pairs of cowboy boots.
Now I know there are lots of straight dudes into boots. But something struck me very strange about this whole situation.
I finished up, trying to get facts from Brian, but it seemed Ana was a bit more coherent. I left my contact information for further information regarding the incident.
I got 2 calls later from Brian. He asked me if he could have a pair of my used motor boots. I thought this was a bit unusual because at work, I am strictly professional and my first thought was that Brian was just really into boots.
To make a strange story even stranger, I got an email from him just before I left work. It was one of the saddest letters I think I’ve ever read.
He has been in a relationship with Ana for 8 years and plans to get married. He told me he has a “secret” attraction to boots and
is totally into bigger guys in tall boots. He said she knows he likes boots and can only have “intimacy” with her if he wears boots.
He asked me to keep in touch with him as would like to be friends.
What do you guys think?
Posted by Mick (other posts) on September 23, 2010 at 06:46:39:
Well, guess what, most of us have been there at one time or another. Like Brian, I had no idea that I actually had a boot fetish. Does it over power me? Not at all. Just because a guy likes boots does not give him any kind of label, or define his sexual orientation. Yeh, the guy likes tall boots, who doesn’t? I had an experience last evening with a fellow officer who always looks and likes my boots. He and all my co-workers know that I have many pairs and kinds. There has never been a discussion as to why. I do not wish to go any further as well. Brian seems to just enjoy boots, especially considering the amount he owns and opened up as to how it stimulates him. Lots of things stimulate people in different ways. This is not unusual, nor is it in any way mentally or physically unhealthy. I think it far better to enjoy wearing boots, than trying to find the bottom of a bottle. This guy is only reaching out like most of us have done on this site. Brian, is most likely in some confusion as to what he wants in life, and should face it head on. One of the worst things a guy can do is to keep this bottled up inside and not let his desire or liking of boots come out. Frustration, can be harmful in many ways. MG, go ahead and stay in touch with him. This can and will not hurt anything, but like many have said, keep an arms length. No doubt, you will. Like me, you have to! Honestly, even to this day, I am a little shy about making coments to others about my boots, when others pay a compliment, or look at me in uniform and check out my boots. Being retired military, as well, I have been wearing some kind of boot most of my life. Yes, I do look at others boots, and sometimes pay a compliment, but it never goes further. Brian is simply reaching out, and yes, in some state of confusion. It would be far better to just ask the guy what he likes about collecting and wearing boots and be done with it. There is no harm in that! We can all beat this thing to death, but the fact is, the guy likes boots just like we all do, and he just wants to be a friend. MG, tell him where he can get a pair of boots like yours and that will make him really happy. Send him over to Stompers or other places where he can get his own pair. Mick
Posted by GregPDX (other posts) on September 22, 2010 at 23:39:11:
In Reply to: Secret Boot Lust posted by Motorgoon on September 21, 2010 at 03:56:27:
I haven’t read any of the other replies, because I had to respond to this right away. Your friend “Brian” was me until a few years ago. I am a guy into boots who considered himself to be bi-sexual. i fell in love with a woman (who, though now my ex-wife, is still one of my best friends), and we got married. It was only after two years of marriage (and 7 years of being together with her) that I finally had the courage to come out.
I was (am) totally blessed, in that I have an awesome community of friends, and a fantastic, extraordinary woman, my former wife, who stood by me as I came out. Not everyone has this.
Now, it sounds like you know Brian in a different capacity than as a friend, and I don’t know what kind of ethics issues might face you here. I guess as long as it doesn’t interfere with your work at all, I would suggest at least reaching out to Brian, and suggesting at first that he might want to talk to some of his existing friends about his dilemma. Depending on the situations, Maybe you can be part of his support network as he figures out what to do. I truly hope for his sake he’s able to be authentically who he is before he decides with his girl if they should stay together. Just remember this guy is in a delicate state, and let that guide your actions 🙂
Posted by KneeHighGuy (other posts) on September 22, 2010 at 22:51:10:
: What do you guys think?
On one hand, Motorgoon, you have an opportunity to do something really warm and caring for a brother bootman. Most likely “Brian” has struggled with his desires for years, the urge to be close to men whom he admires who wear boots raging against whatever mores he might adhere to telling him that such desire is somehow either wicked, laughable, or unattainable. From what you have described it sounds like this man has been suffering great inner turmoil. Suddenly a big tall dark knight in shining boots pops into his life, and he reaches out to you as a drowning man might to a life preserver. It took a lot of guts for this man to share what he did with you. He’s either very desperate or very courageous…..probably a bit of both. I have to admire that kind of courage, and at very least would like to honor him for it. By extending the hand of friendship to Brian, you could be doing something wonderful to help him grow toward being more at ease with himself, self-confident, and mature in his relationships with both men and women, regardless of whether or not they are booted. Also, as some of the guys here have said, don’t ignore the benefits of another boot friendship for you.
Now on the other hand, you have to consider that you are taking some risks by reaching out in this sort of way to anyone you meet as an officer. You know your profession and your department and what will and will not fly better than any of us do, so you’re going to need to determine the potential consequences of befriending this man and their likelihood of happening, then weigh those against the potential benefits to him and yourself.
Connecting with Brian could bring great benefits to both you and him. If you choose to do so, I think you could be doing a wonderful thing for someone, Motorgoon. But if you do, you should be fully aware of the risks and know that you could potentially face some negative consequences.
Regardless of whatever “issues” or “baggage” Brian might have, I can say one thing for him besides his courage. He has excellent taste in bootmen!
Posted by Fred (other posts) on September 21, 2010 at 16:12:45:
Hi Motorgoon. I think you left out one part of the story. Did you like “Brian”?
If yes, then go for it. Sounds like you have a friend in the making but don’t let it compromise any relationship you may already be in.
Working for an S.O. I’ve dealt with many messed up relationships, so just tread carefully in your motorboots.
(by the way you need a back-up pair for inspections!)
Posted by RobMA (other posts) on September 21, 2010 at 13:52:18:
I would love nothing better than to be in this guy’s situation and have a boot bud like you that’s also a motorcop. That being said, I would be way too cautious to get too close to this guy if I was in your boots. He has way too much baggage in that closet and doesn’t sound as if he is dealing with it in a very responsible, adult way. I think you should be able to be understanding with him but keep a professional distance for your own safety. If it should happen that you are able to glean information about him that would put any doubts about his character to rest, then you may want to get to know him a little better but still preserve your professionalism as much as possible. I would be very cautious…but then that’s just me. Keep us informed ..that lucky dog.
Posted by Motorgoon (other posts) on September 21, 2010 at 12:10:09:
Thank you guys for all the replies, definitely put this in perspective.
I believe he is in an “awakening” moment in his life.
I have met people in my job which I have kept in touch with and I don’t see any ethical issues with keeping an arms reach away.
I do think there are many, many issues of which he will need to resolve and I will not divulge any personal information to him.
I firmly believe he has “the bug” for boots and is surely questioning his sexual identity.
And to answer the boot question, no, I can’t give him my motor boots because then I wouldn’t have any to wear.
I’ll reply to his email today and keep you guys updated.
Posted by bov (other posts) on September 21, 2010 at 11:31:07:
well i can understand his distraction, id be distracted if you came into my house too, added to shock of an incident.
I guess its probably best to keep and arms length, he may jsut want a buddy he can talk to about boot lust, he may want more. Maybe suggest if its the former you’re happy to meet for a coffee off duty.
I don’t know – its your call – would you like him as a boot mate or would it be complicated. I suspect he may decent into fantasy. Though some of us married men just like chatting boots.
Posted by VTBooted (other posts) on September 21, 2010 at 08:53:38:
: He asked me to keep in touch with him as would like to be friends.
: What do you guys think?
I think his request for friendship is just his starting point for trying to make this something a WHOLE lot more. To me, it seems like this guy is very confused about his orientation and it is wreaking some internal havoc with him. You noted that after an 8 year relationship with Ana, he plans to get married-nothing wrong with a long courtship, but I wonder how many times a wedding date has been put off.
It would probably be really great for him (and perhaps you too, MG) to have a buddy in boots who maybe can seem like a big brother who can help him gain some internal peace with his boot lust. The cowboy boots are seen in public but are Brian’s Dehners ever? A strong buddy who he respects could be very beneficial not just re boots but maybe other aspects of his life. And, MG, you strike as being a stong mentor type-I can sense that 3000 miles away.
But, as mentioned above, what happens if this “crosses the line” and becomes a need to resolve a potential conflict Brian may be experiencing with his orientation. Only you know if you would want to deal with that situation. Personally, I have found it hard to make it clear to someone else the distinction between a friendship, perhaps related to mutual interest in boots, and stopping well before intimacy. It seems that there is an expectation that one automatically begats the other.
Good luck in handling this…keep us updated.
Posted by DanInBoots (other posts) on September 21, 2010 at 07:44:04:
Personally, I think we all run into people for one reason or another. Sure the professional line would be blurred, but what would it had been if the conversation had started after running into this guy waiting in line for a burger?
It’s hard to say you would or wouldn’t have met this person if the situation had not occurred. I think you tell him you’re flattered. Tell him that once everything is offcially wrapped on the accident, you don’t see why you couldn’t have an new boot friend. Maybe offer to do a boot swap if he wears the same size. Invite him to a guys day out with a group and let him know ahead of time it’s boot related. Maybe he’s got access to a motorcycle and he could be a riding buddy or he enjoys motorcross.
The important part is that he understand that the friendship develops after the professional relationship is completed and that a friendship is all it could be. He may need a strong male figure to give him advice and council on some of his personal issues and he can’t get that from his (pardon the pun) straight lace friends.
Any how, that’s my two laces on the matter 🙂
Posted by calgleather (other posts) on September 21, 2010 at 06:38:57:
A very similar situation to a man that I knew… Fell in love and got married to a woman, but ultimately knew he was a gay leatherman/bootman. While they made love, he would either have to be wearing tall boots or have his boots/leathers within his sight in order to stay hard and get off. In the end, he came out, but waiting so long to do so caused more harm than good.
Actually, I know no less than 5 guys with the exact same story.
These sorts of stories are very sad. For whatever reason, he has identified you as somebody who understands and that he can trust with his “secret”. Meet up for coffee, but expect him to open up to you as if he has known you for years. For somebody with an element of their sexuality (or their entire sexuality) that they think they should be ashamed of, meeting that first like-minded person is such an incredible relief.
Also, if you’re giving out old pairs of your work boots, I’d like to be next in line behind ‘Brian’ 😉
As an after-thought, I agree with the guys who suggest that you wait until any sort of professional relationship that you have with him regarding the hit&run has concluded before you meet on a personal level.
Posted by JerseyBoi (other posts) on September 21, 2010 at 05:54:24:
I admire “Brian’s” courage for reaching out to you, and truly wish I had the courage myself had I been in the same situation. Being Shy, insecure, and quiet tends to limit my own social interactions, and there are very few that would ever guess I had an interest in boots and the guys who wear them. I therefore know that regardless of the situation if I was confronted with a bootman, I would probably be more ackward than normal. And, I have read your notes and seen your pictures from time to time on this site, and in my opinion you are a very nice guy. I am therefore sure anyone would be honored to have you as a friend. I am sure you would be an amazing influence on “Brian’s” life, and I think knowing him would add to yours too. You already have some important barriers that broke down between you, and who knows you might actually wind up with another great friend in your lives. Trust me, we never have enough of those. Thanks for sharing and giving us all ….a little hope that someone really is out there for us all.